Deep Truth

Goodbye to the players.

Dear Players,

I knew what you wanted the moment you laid your eyes on me. I knew.

I didn’t listen.

I let your desire for me, overtook my sacred ground.

I let you into my sacred body, and let you caress my face.

I knew you weren’t going to stay long.

But I really had hoped that you wanted to.

Your desire for my body and what it could give you, made me feel dangerous. Like I was some wanted woman and you were the one who was going to take me and throw me down.

I liked that. I like your type. Maybe because it’s so casual and less committal.

Maybe I have commitment issues.

Except every time I fall for you, and realize I have a feelings for your soul, you run and you don’t look back. So maybe you’re the one with commitment issues. Or you’re afraid of a woman who feels deeply and it scares you in the way I touch and look at you.

It’s as if you can sense what I feel, and with your own wounded self you pretend as if nothing had happened.

And I just want to say to you. I accept your silence. I accept you. I know it’s not me.

I knew what you wanted and I choose to let you treat me that way.

You think I am not okay while you silence your self from me. But I am okay.

I am okay. I am a warrior. And as a warrior, I grieve all my losses and then get on with my warrior life.

I don’t care how hot or sexy or attractive you are to me, I will no longer agree to your terms.

It’s on my terms now. And I will stand my sacred ground.

I refuse to put myself through the misery again.

You’ve taught me something. That men like you aren’t ready for a woman like me.
And I have to accept that the first time a man does not agree to my terms. A man who truly likes a woman, will chase her. I should never have to chase him in the beginning. I should never have to convince him to hang out with me.

I am done living on your terms, you mother fucking players.

I love you. You’re bad. And I like bad boys. I love men who love women. But I am done.

Because I want a man to love one woman. And that woman is me.

I don’t need a man. I don’t even want one. I deserve one. As in a good man who sees my naked soul and not my naked body.

When the time is right, he will appear. Until then, the lesson of allowing men to treat me like a game is heard and it is learnt. I smell your kind from a mile away.

Yes, I have learnt this lesson. That players only love you when they’re playing.

And then it is over. It is done with, when you say so. And then I’m left feeling like an idiot. A fool. My heart hurting and yearning. Why did I let it get this way?

It’s okay sweet girl, I tell myself. He didn’t care about you, while you cared about him. Give yourself credit for caring for someone who only gave a shit about themselves. You’re the strong one.

They chased me of course. All the way to my bedroom. Never to my heart. And I allowed it. I did not set boundaries and rules. I let them roam freely like toddlers with no supervision. Anything can happen and someone is bound to get hurt.

And that person was me.

You know what though, I thank these men. They have taught me self respect. They have taught me to see my true worth. That I am a highly sexual woman, and that it’s okay. I see and accept my truth. You’ve taught me what I really want in a man. I always thought I was okay “just having fun” with these men, until they decided to stop talking to me all of a sudden. You truly don’t know the weight of something you are carrying till it is gone.

As an empath, I should know better. Fuck it, I won’t should myself. I know better, now.

And as someone who has learnt this lesson, of letting men use and abuse me and leave me whenever it was convenient for them, I feel complete. He, was the last one. I felt I needed his desire, and maybe to be wanted one last time. But in the end, it wasn’t worth it.
Not that being wanted or desired isn’t nice.

The thing is, is that I was not valued.

And that is where we, women, get things twisted. We believe being wanted and desired sets us apart from the others but it doesn’t. I am not set apart because these men did not value me as a woman. They did not value my heart and beautiful soul.

I let them look at me like I was a hot piece of ass. I lead them on. I played a part too. I know that. I know the effects I have on men when they see me. I know they look at my ass like it’s something to grab. I know they want to kiss my luscious soft lips. I know they want to take my tiny body and take me into their world. I know and I have given that energy out that it is okay to see me that way. I know the effects I have on men, and I know it’s always been a powerful one. Sexually speaking. I do it to lure them in. Thinking it will lure them to my heart. It never does. So what does a woman do? Wear long sweaters and  baggy clothes? No. I speak my heart. I speak my truth. I be myself. I give them a piece of my mind and tell them about my dreams and my what my life is about. And I hear them and then we decide from there. We have already decided we are attracted to each other. It’s time to be unafraid and to choose love. That is what is all comes down to. Choosing love, over fear. Being vulnerable instead of sexual, at first.  And know I will be okay and safe whether they open their hearts to me or not. I won’t regret showing who I really am opposed to, of what I am made of in the bedroom.

I betrayed myself. I forgot to value myself. I forgot that my sexuality is powerful and I do not need it to lead men into relationships with me. That I need to open my heart, not my legs.

Is it that you men are afraid of vulnerability that attracts me, so I don’t have to be vulnerable either?

Because if it is so, I am aware now. And when a woman becomes aware, all things are possible.

So now that we are aware, let’s vow to value ourselves by only allowing men in who value our hearts. Yes men look at us with those sexual eyes at first. It’s who they are. But don’t let it be about that. A good man will want to get in your pants either way and it is always up to you, to decide how he does that.

So let him in your world. If he decides to let you in as well. Or if he runs. Then you’ll know. And you won’t have wasted your time. You won’t have hurt your own heart.

And that’s it, ladies. We hurt ourselves trying to make others see our greatness. Men, especially. When it should not be something that we work hard to do. It should be easy. Either they see it or they do not. Either they realize your worth, or you realize your worth.

I know sex is good. Believe me. I love sex. I love it. A lot. And for me, my sacral chakra has been on overdrive since I was 16 years old. I am not extremely proud of myself, but these fleeting sexual romances that I have experienced were apart of my contract in this world and I will not judge myself.

I am the kind of woman that would love a player because I am “easy”. But the truth is, I am not easy. I am a firecracker. I a fiery soul. I do not put up with being treated like shit. It’s just that having sex is the closest thing to intimacy and someones soul. Being intertwined and feeling each others bodies. It’s liberating and inspiring. My creative side opens up on a deep level when I am fucked really well. But maybe it’s time to be loved really well.

At this point in my life, I believe it time to tame the sacral chakra and not let in those that do not meet my heart chakra. Because although I do not regret these men, I have been hurt deeply. And the only person to blame, is myself.

Forgive ourselves. For not knowing. For not shining. For not being vulnerable with our hearts and instead of abusing our vagina’s with men who did not honour our sacred yoni’s.

And that’s the test, will that man who you are interetsed in, honour your beautiful sexual and juicy yoni?

Will he take care of it? Does he know that our vaginas are connected to our hearts? Can he see the correlation? Can he master both of them, and does he want to take the time to?

I feel deeply for these men who fuck women instead of making love to them. It’s fear of being seen. I want to love them so hard. We all know by now, we can not save anyone. And I won’t. I won’t try anymore. These men who won’t even love me, will definitely not accept my deep and vast love that I carry with me. It’ll be too much.

And that is okay.

So now it’s time to rise. Forgive yourself. Forgive these men. Forgive the world for not showing men how to love. Forgive your yearnings and desires for taking over your standards and sacred self.

When you reconize these men, honour them. Give them a hello. Tell them about yourself. Respect them. Love them. But walk past, and stand your ground.

Remember, you deserve a man who will spend the whole day with you. Talking with you. Laughing with you. Getting to know one another. Eating gourmet meals with you. Listening to you. Hearing you.

Until then, you are okay. You don’t need that man’s desire. You need to remember your own desires and wants and needs.

Listen to your intuition about everyone. It knows. So listen. It’s time.

Ladies, you know what I am talking about. The past is gone, so take the lessons and the love.

Thank you players, for desiring me. I know what you see. ANd it is there. But if you are unwilling to explore my heart, you are most definitely not allowed to explore my sacred body.

And that is a promise. A promise to myself.

And to the women who know what I am talking about here. Who are unaware of why these things keep happening to them; men using, leaving and using them. We thought it was their fault. And yes, they should have known better, but these men were and are only thinking of their cocks. So take responsibility for yourself ladies. If these men want you with their cocks, in some way they do want you with their hearts.But truthfully these men who chase you with their cocks are not the ones who will stay. Some of them will run. And some of them will decide to stay. Make sure they stay for your heart and not your sex. Follow your intuition when it comes to the right time to give them your naked, hot and wild self.

For it is time to honour your wild self. Live up to your self respect. Raise your esteem, and know you are wild but you are also sacred. And it is okay to love sex and be a sexual woman. Be empowered by it.

These men, have to work for it. And the ones who see you, will. He will work for it because that is what men do, they work hard to get what they want. We have to honour them. Never disrespect. Never shame. Never emasculate.

Just love yourself. That is literally all you have to do.

And if you have to walk, do it with grace. GRACE, ladies.

We should never raise our blood pressure for anyone. It is not worth it.

Love. Yourself. Hard.

Player is only a label they hide under. So be kind. But be firm in who you are and what you require and what you have come here to this earth to do.

When you get to this point in your life, you know it’s time to open your heart to someone who will open their heart to you. That means, you have work to do.

That work, is your inner self, and deciding what it is you want and how you will get it.

That work is going deep within. Healing those hurts. Cutting the cords.

It’s time to say goodbye to those men, and hello to what you deserve.


Gabriella xo


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